外国风趣幽默故事三则
在日常繁忙的生活，也不要忘记了放松自己。下面我为大家带来外国风趣幽默 故事 ，希望大家喜欢! 外国风趣幽默故事：它就是士兵 As a newly commissioned infantry lieutenant, I was eager to set an example for my platoon by cleaning my own M一16 rifle. While we were working on the weapons, one soldier complained about the unusual notched shape of the M一16' s bolt and chamber, which makes it difficult to clean. 作为一名新上任的步兵中尉，我希望通过擦拭自己的M-16自动步枪，给全排的士兵们作个榜样。我们一块擦枪时，一名战士抱怨由于M-16的枪栓和枪膛特别的凹形结构，擦起来十分困难。 "Lieutenant, they need to make something to clean this with,” the soldier said. “中尉，应该制造出一种擦这枪的工具。”士兵说。 "They do,” piped up a sergeant. “已经制造出来了。”一个军士尖声说。 "Really?" I said with surprise, wondering why we had not ordered such a tool. “真的?”我十分诧异，纳闷为什么我们没有定购这种工具。 "Yes，sir,”replied the sergeant. "It's called a soldier.” “真的，长官，”军士答道，“它就是士兵。” 外国风趣幽默故事：滑雪课 Between my first and second ski lessons, I was practicing on the beginners' slope at Mammoth Mountain in California. I began to pick up speed, and suddenly I realized I had forgotten how to stop. That same moment, I saw a young couple standing motionless directly in my path. "Look out! Get out of my way!” I yelled. 我刚开始上滑雪课时，在加利福尼亚猛妈山的初学者坡道上进行练习。我逐渐开始加速，但我突然意识到我忘了该怎么停下来。就在这时，我看到一对年轻夫妇一动不动地挡了我的道。“当心!让开!”我喊道。 They did not heed my warning, and a moment later the three of us were up to our ears in snow. As we were untangling poles and recovering skis, I apologized, explaining that I did not know how to stop. 他们根本没有注意到我的警告，顷刻之间，我们三人都被埋在了雪里。我们抽出扭在一起的滑雪杆，找回滑雪板。我连忙道歉，解释说我不知道怎样停下来。 "That's okay , madam ,”said the young man. "We didn't know how to move.” “没关系，女士，”那名年轻男子说，“我们不知道该怎样滑动。” 外国风趣幽默故事：和你身高差不多 When we were newlyweds, my husband started a new job. Every evening I would gri11 him about the women at his office，demanding to know how pretty each one was, what color her eyes were, her hair, and so on. He always replied, "I don't remember that kind of thing.” 我们刚刚结婚，丈夫便开始了一份新的工作。每天晚上我都对他办公室里的女性的情况严加盘问，要求了解到每个人有多漂亮，眼睛是什么颜色，发型是什么样式等等。他每次总是回答说:“我不记得那类事情。” One night, he put an end to my pestering. I had asked him the height of a particular woman. He told me to stand up and gave me a passionate kiss. "Well,” he said, reflecting, "I guess she's about your height.” 一天晚上，他让我的纠缠宣告结束。我间他某个女人有多高。他让我站起来，并给了我一个满怀激情的吻。“嗯，”他回忆着说:“我想她和你身高差不多。”
外国趣味幽默故事
在日常繁忙的生活，也不要忘记了放松自己。下面我为大家带来外国趣味幽默 故事 ，希望大家喜欢! 外国趣味幽默故事：谁最臭 A grocer, a banker and a politician got lost in the forest. Eventually they came to a farmer's house and asked if he could put them up overnight. 一个杂货商、一个银行家和一个政客在森林里迷了路。最后，他们来到一家农舍，询问是否能在此住宿。 “Sure,”the farmer said, “but I've got room for only two of you in the house. The other will have to sleep in the barn with the animals, and the smell is very bad out there.” “没问题，”农户说，“可是我的房子里只能安排得下两个人，另外一个得到牲口棚跟牲口睡在一起，那里的气味很难闻。” "I'll sleep in the barn,” the banker volunteered. “我去牲口棚睡。”银行家自告奋勇。 Half an hour later a knock was heard on the farmer's houses door, and there stood the banker, gasping," I can't take the smell.” 半个小时以后，他们听到有人敲门，银行家站在门口，喘着粗气:“那种气味我真的受不了。” "All right,” said the grocer. "I' 11 sleep in the barn. "And off he went. “好吧，”杂货商说:“我去牲口棚睡，”转身他就走了。 In a while there was another knock on the door. "I've put up with some rank odors from spoiled food,” the grocer complained," but that barn tops them all.” 不久，又响起了敲门的声音。“就连变质的食物恶臭我都能忍受，”他说，“但是，牲口棚的气味r以十么都难闻。” "You two sissies,” said the politician" I'11 sleep in the barn.” “你们两个真的没用,”政客说,“我去那儿睡。” Thirty minutes later came another knock. When they opened the door There stood all the animals from the barn. 半个小时以后，又响起了敲门声。他们打开门，看到牲口棚的所有牲口都站在门口。 外国趣味幽默故事：自己来 An old friend from abroad, whom I was expecting to stay with me, telephoned from the airport to tell me that he had arrived. I was still at the office at the time, but I had made arrangements for his arrival. After explaining where my new flat was, I told him that I had left the key under the room一mat. As I was likely to be home rather late, I advised him to go into the kitchen and help himself to food and drink. 一位国外来的老朋友从飞机场打电话，告诉我他已经到达，我一直期盼着与他相聚。那时，我仍在办公室里，不过对于他的到来我已做好了安排。说清我的新公寓的位置后，我告诉他把钥匙放在擦脚的垫子下面。由于我可能很晚才能回家，我建议他到厨房自己弄点吃喝的东西。 Two hours later my friend telephoned me from the flat. At the moment, he was listening to some of my records after having just had a truly wonderful meal. He had found a pan on the gas stove and fried two eggs and had helped himself to some cold chicken from the refrigerator. Now, he said, he was drinking a glass of orange juice and he hoped I would join him. When I asked him if he had reached the flat without difficulty, he answered that be had not been able to find the key under the room-mat , but fortunately the living-room window just by the apple tree had been left open and he had climbed in. I listened to all this in astonishment. There is no apple tree in front of my living-room, but there is one in front of my neighbor’s! 两个小时后朋友从公寓打电话给我。他说，美餐了一顿以后，他现在正在听我的一些磁带。在煤气炉上，他找到了一个平底煎锅，煎了两个鸡蛋，并吃了冰箱里的冻鸡肉。他说他现在正在喝着一杯橘子汁并希望我能跟他一起享受。当我问他是否很顺利地进人我的公寓时，他回答说，他并没有在擦鞋的垫子下面找到钥匙，但幸运的是，苹果树旁边的那扇起居室的窗户正好开着，他就爬了进去。一番话听得我目瞪口呆。我的起居室前根本就没有苹果树，而邻居家前面到是有一颗! 外国趣味幽默故事：酒吧间里的赌博 There was this guy who went into a bar. He went up to the bartender and said,“Bartender, are you a betting man?” The bartender replied, "Certainly! I'm ALWAYS a betting man!” To which the man said, "I'11 bet you $50 that I can lick my right eye.” The bartender thought about this a while and finally agreed to the bet. The man reached up and pulled out his glass right eye and licked it. The bartender groaned and begrudgingly gave the man his $50 telling him to leave his bar. 一个男子进了酒吧间，他走到酒吧男招待面前说道“嘿，男招待，你是个爱打赌的人吗?”男招待回答“没错，我永远都是个赌徒!”那个人又说:“我和你赌50美元，我可以舔到自己的右眼。”男招待想了想最后同意打这个赌。那个男子摘下了他那只玻璃做的右眼，然后舔了一下。男招待哀叹一声，极不情愿地付给那人50美元，然后让他离开了酒吧间。 A week or so later, the same man appeared in the bar. He went up to the bar- tender and said, "Bartender, are you still a betting man?" The bartender replied, "Certainly! I told you I' m ALWAYS a betting man!” To which the man said, "I'll bet you $100 that I can bite my left eye.” Well, the bartender thought he had him on this one! There was no way that he had TWO glass eyes so the bartender agreed. The man reached up to his mouth, pulled out his dentures and clicked them on his left eye. The bartender moaned and paid the man his $100 telling him to get out of his bar. 大约一周后，那个男人再次来到酒吧间，又问那个男招待:“伙计，你是个爱打赌的人吗?”男招待回答:“是的，我告诉过你的，我永远是个赌徒!”男人接着说:“这次我出100美元，赌我能咬到自己的左眼。”男招待想了想。他认为那个人的两只眼睛不可能都是玻璃的，于是他同意和那个人打这个赌。只见那人把手放进嘴里，然后掏出一幅假牙，用假牙碰了一下自己的左眼。男招待一边抱怨着一边掏出100美元交给了那个人，并把他轰出了酒吧。 A week or so later, the same man ventured into the bar again. He went up to the bartender and said，"Bartender, are you still a betting man? "The bartender said, although with a little caution this time, "Certainly! I told you I’m ALWAYS a betting man!” To which the man said, "Give me a shot of whiskey.” The bartender poured the man a shot and he drank it down. Slamming the glass on the bar he said, "I’11 bet you $500 that you can spin me around on this bar stool and I can piss in that glass right where it lays and not miss a drop.”Well，the bartender' s eyes lit up. Here was one time that he was certain that he would win!" Agreed! ” he cried. Coming out from around the bar, he grabbed onto the man's bar stool and spun it as hard as he could. 一个多星期后，那个人第三次来到酒吧间，他走到男招待跟前说:“男招待，你还是不是个赌徒了?”这一次男招待显得有些犹豫，但他还是答道:“千真万确!我告诉过你，我永远是个赌徒。”那个男人说:“给我一杯威士忌。”男招待给他倒了一杯，那人一饮而尽。然后砰地一声把酒杯放到桌上，说道:“我坐在这个凳子上，你用力推椅子让我旋转起来，然后我往酒杯里撒尿，并保证决不会溅到外面。如果我输了，我给你500美元。”“行!”，男招待顿时眼睛一亮，他认为这次自己赢定了。于是喊道“同意!”。他从吧台后面走出来，用手抓住那个人坐的椅子，然后使出浑身的力量使劲一推。 Well，the man just let loose and piss flew everyplace! Not so much as one drop even came close to the glass and the bartender was soaked. When he was done，the bartender was laughing and laughing and holding out his hand. The man pulled out his wallet and gave him his $500. But the bar- tender was puzzled and as he was wiping off his face, he asked the man, "Why did you bet me $500 that you could piss in that shot glass on the bar when you had to have known there wasn’t any possible way to do it?” 那个人把尿溅的哪都是。因为男招待离的太近，所以全身都被浇湿了。等那人的椅子停下之后，男招待仰天大笑，一边笑一边伸出手。那个人拿出钱包从里面掏出500美元交给了男招待。然而男招待却感到迷惑不解，他一边用手绢擦着脸一边问:“明明知道那是不可能的事情你为什么还要赌500美元呢?” The man just smiled and told him, "You may have won $500 off me but I bet that guy over in the corner $10 , 000 that I could piss all over you and your bar and you would just laugh” 那个人笑了笑说:“你是赢了500美元，但是我和那边那个人打了10000美元的赌，我说当我尿你一身的时候你不但不会生气，反而还会冲着我大笑。”
